I decided it was time to call off my self-pity party and take stock of where I'm at.
I've had lots of good intentions for LSD workouts, but between them being a bit boring and the fact that I get so bummed out when I'm limited to walking... well, let's just admit that I haven't been perfect about them and leave it at that. I've been doing them with regularity, but certainly not by the book.
My Wednesdays have been discombobulated for quite a while now, because they used to be my lift weights and swim day. When I got the trainer I started doing some biking to replace the swimming. Now the PT won't let me bike either. So I geared up for the gym out of habit this morning with no clear idea what to do even though by process of elimination I didn't have much of a choice.
I decided to just run. No plans, no goals. Just pick a speed, let 'er rip, and see what happened. Figure out where I'm really, truly at, and where I fall on the idiot scale for still wanting that half-marathon in six months.
I have a theory that jogging is rougher and perhaps the reason I have yet to conquer the walk/jog LSD speed crossover is that a plodding jog actually seems to take a lot more out of me than an easy run, even though an easy run puts my HR in the 170s-180s. With that in mind, I picked a speed I knew would put me into running and not jogging - 4.5 mph (13:20 pace).
Then I just ran. And they were the best miles of my life. (Check it out! Miles - plural!)
I could breath. Nothing hurt. I could talk. I was lip synching with my music. I was happy. This has got to be what running is all about.
My HR was at 188 almost dead-on for about the first 30 minutes, then drifted up to 195 over the last 15 minutes. I was going to shoot for 4 miles, but when it inched over 200 I decided it was time to stop. I still felt fine, was having a nice conversation with the guy beside me about local races... but 200 seemed scary.
I know that sounds insanely high, but in my case it's a huge improvement (aside from the fact that mine seems to run quite a bit higher in general than most people). Last summer even an easy jog at a 15:00 pace would send it skyrocketing in the first few seconds from 130s to 190s. It was painful and awful. Every step was torture and every breath felt like it was being ripped out of me. If I really pushed, I could go maybe 5-10 minutes. Never before did I have the fitness to keep my heart at a steady rate - let alone for 30 minutes!
That's what I expected today, and I simply can't believe I just ran - RAN!!!! - 3.5 miles. Not just without stopping... but without wanting or needing to stop at the end.
Clearly, the numbers need to be lower. And I'll keep working with LSD to get them lower. Even though I have yet to conquer the lower HR aspect of LSD, it's already working its magic.
Distance: 3.5 miles (PR for distance)
Time: 46:45
5K split: 41:30 (5K PR by 2:29)
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
PT Jackpot
Turns out the PT has been a triathlete for, ooooh, 20 years or so. Honest to god.
She felt around my shoulder for a while and proceeded to give me a freakishly accurate explanation of just how bad my swim mechanics are (or were, before Swim Coach Marcy helped me, but by then the shoulder was already a problem).
Today was ultrasound and Stems. Thursday will be too. She said first step is to quiet it down, then we'll move onto strengthening. She's going to have dramatic modifications to my weight lifting in the future. Apparently it's a bad idea to mix overhead weights with swimming a lot.
She felt around my shoulder for a while and proceeded to give me a freakishly accurate explanation of just how bad my swim mechanics are (or were, before Swim Coach Marcy helped me, but by then the shoulder was already a problem).
Today was ultrasound and Stems. Thursday will be too. She said first step is to quiet it down, then we'll move onto strengthening. She's going to have dramatic modifications to my weight lifting in the future. Apparently it's a bad idea to mix overhead weights with swimming a lot.
Road to Recovery
As I suspected, the Physical Therapist my surgeon wants me to see is not in my insurance network.
I spoke with their office several times yesterday and they were very helpful - even calling my insurance company to get information for me I couldn't get out of them myself.
Out-of-network coverage = $1000 deductible, then covered at 70%, limited to 26 visits.
Ugh.
So, my options are to bite the bullet and shell out money I can't really afford (although we do have a Health Flex Account, so that helps). OR... find a therapist in my network and take my chances with someone not used to working with athletes.
It's even more fun making these decisions when Wonderful Husband is on a business trip in Malaysia. We managed to navigate the 14 hour time difference and IM for a few minutes. He agrees I should go ahead with this PT.
We both kind of think that if I went with an in-network therapist not used to dealing with athletes that I probably wouldn't get the appropriate treatment and am likely to end up in the same boat a few months down the road. We trust this surgeon and understand there's a good reason he recommended so strongly that I work with the particular therapist.
So, we'll figure out how to pay for it and be grateful for the opportunity to be treated by someone who understands my needs. My first appointment is tonight.
I spoke with their office several times yesterday and they were very helpful - even calling my insurance company to get information for me I couldn't get out of them myself.
Out-of-network coverage = $1000 deductible, then covered at 70%, limited to 26 visits.
Ugh.
So, my options are to bite the bullet and shell out money I can't really afford (although we do have a Health Flex Account, so that helps). OR... find a therapist in my network and take my chances with someone not used to working with athletes.
It's even more fun making these decisions when Wonderful Husband is on a business trip in Malaysia. We managed to navigate the 14 hour time difference and IM for a few minutes. He agrees I should go ahead with this PT.
We both kind of think that if I went with an in-network therapist not used to dealing with athletes that I probably wouldn't get the appropriate treatment and am likely to end up in the same boat a few months down the road. We trust this surgeon and understand there's a good reason he recommended so strongly that I work with the particular therapist.
So, we'll figure out how to pay for it and be grateful for the opportunity to be treated by someone who understands my needs. My first appointment is tonight.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Calorie Nazi Status Report
I can't even believe I can report this, but in the 5 weeks since I devoted myself to the Calorie Nazi, I've lost almost 10 pounds. That's insane. Unheard of. And - let's just come right out and say it - clear evidence I probably should have tried him a long time ago. (But I wasn't ready then, so I guess it's a moo point.)
[Yeah, I said Moo. Bonus points if you get the reference ; ) ]
This has started a distracting little whisper in my head - one I don't want to listen to for fear of getting my hopes up. I've been disappointed like this before. It's become a predictable pattern for me to lose 10-15 pounds fairly quickly as spring arrives and my thyroid perks up with the changing of the seasons, only to plateau until the next cycle.
BUT. Still - I can't help thinking... if it keeps up at this rate, I'm going to hit that half-way point 6 months early. In fact, I'd be hitting it in late June, riiiight about when my first tri is scheduled.
The idea of being below 200 pounds for a race. Speechless. A dream I haven't yet dared to dream.
Couldn't help spilling it because it's been pounding around the inside of my brain, dying to be validated. Now I'm going to tuck it back into the recesses of my mind because dwelling on it will only distract me from the things I really need to focus on. Like getting through the PT and back into the water.
Total lost to date: 54
[Yeah, I said Moo. Bonus points if you get the reference ; ) ]
This has started a distracting little whisper in my head - one I don't want to listen to for fear of getting my hopes up. I've been disappointed like this before. It's become a predictable pattern for me to lose 10-15 pounds fairly quickly as spring arrives and my thyroid perks up with the changing of the seasons, only to plateau until the next cycle.
BUT. Still - I can't help thinking... if it keeps up at this rate, I'm going to hit that half-way point 6 months early. In fact, I'd be hitting it in late June, riiiight about when my first tri is scheduled.
The idea of being below 200 pounds for a race. Speechless. A dream I haven't yet dared to dream.
Couldn't help spilling it because it's been pounding around the inside of my brain, dying to be validated. Now I'm going to tuck it back into the recesses of my mind because dwelling on it will only distract me from the things I really need to focus on. Like getting through the PT and back into the water.
Total lost to date: 54
Friday, February 23, 2007
Prozac Patch
I haven't learned to navigate the prozac patches yet like Wil and TriSaraTops have.
These moments of doubt are just that - moments - but when they happen I feel like they're going to swallow me whole. Like I should really just give up now because I'll never be able to do all the things I keep talking about doing.
After they pass - as they always do - I can look back and understand it was a temporary state of mind. But while I'm in it I just can't see any way out.
While most prozac patches have no rhyme or reason, the source of this one is plain as day.
I haven't trained nearly enough over the winter because of my shoulder. Problem is, that's not really an excuse for the running. It sort of is, because there were days even moving it that much caused pain, but I'd be lying to myself and the world if I even pretended to think it truly kept me out of it as much as I've allowed it to.
Now that I know there will be no surgery I feel lost and scared and hopelessly behind. I just wasted three months. And the Shamrock Shuffle - my first race planned for 2007 - is only 4 weeks out.
I haven't been able to pull off running an entire 5K since the one (and only!) I scraped out in November. I've been trying desperately to do LSD, thinking the whole damn winter was surely enough time to improve my speed to the point I could run the whole 5 miles for this race.
But I haven't gotten one second faster - not since my initial improvement over a month ago of a measly 20 seconds per mile. But I need to improve by at least a minute per mile to even move up to jogging... hence the wallowing.
I hadn't registered before now because of the possibility of surgery. Now that I have an answer on that, I keep telling myself I need to sign up immediately because in a day or a week I'll be sad if I didn't. And I want to believe that once I work my way through the bad patch I'll be able to accept the need to plan a run/walk strategy. But right now that feels like failure and I just can't bring myself to go there.
[Update: I guess the Powers That Be decided for me. Registration is already closed.]
These moments of doubt are just that - moments - but when they happen I feel like they're going to swallow me whole. Like I should really just give up now because I'll never be able to do all the things I keep talking about doing.
After they pass - as they always do - I can look back and understand it was a temporary state of mind. But while I'm in it I just can't see any way out.
While most prozac patches have no rhyme or reason, the source of this one is plain as day.
I haven't trained nearly enough over the winter because of my shoulder. Problem is, that's not really an excuse for the running. It sort of is, because there were days even moving it that much caused pain, but I'd be lying to myself and the world if I even pretended to think it truly kept me out of it as much as I've allowed it to.
Now that I know there will be no surgery I feel lost and scared and hopelessly behind. I just wasted three months. And the Shamrock Shuffle - my first race planned for 2007 - is only 4 weeks out.
I haven't been able to pull off running an entire 5K since the one (and only!) I scraped out in November. I've been trying desperately to do LSD, thinking the whole damn winter was surely enough time to improve my speed to the point I could run the whole 5 miles for this race.
But I haven't gotten one second faster - not since my initial improvement over a month ago of a measly 20 seconds per mile. But I need to improve by at least a minute per mile to even move up to jogging... hence the wallowing.
I hadn't registered before now because of the possibility of surgery. Now that I have an answer on that, I keep telling myself I need to sign up immediately because in a day or a week I'll be sad if I didn't. And I want to believe that once I work my way through the bad patch I'll be able to accept the need to plan a run/walk strategy. But right now that feels like failure and I just can't bring myself to go there.
[Update: I guess the Powers That Be decided for me. Registration is already closed.]
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