In that mental prison I'm still 270+ pounds. Huge. Sick. Miserable.
I've heard a lot about body dysmorphia, where people don't see what they really look like when they look in the mirror because their brain is stuck on an internal image. Mostly you hear about it with anorexics and such.
I think I had that a little bit, because no matter how much I lose and how many sizes I've dropped I still see that same enormous person in the mirror.
But when I saw this picture from Halloween, I got the shock of my life.
For the first time ever I saw - really, truly understood - that I've lost almost 60 pounds. That I have a waistline. That I'm down to a single chin. That, 5 years after squeezing into size 26 jeans in despair, I slipped on a size 16 Halloween costume and looked good. (In case you're wondering, I went as the Fashion Police.)It blew me away.
Granted, I still need to lose another 80 or 90 pounds to be at a reasonable weight for my height. But seeing this picture made me feel what that means. It made me get in my gut how far I've come and how great it will be when I find the end of the path.
It was what I needed, when I needed it. Suddenly, getting back on speaking terms with The Calorie Nazi and finding my way back to a training schedule doesn't seem so crazy. It's going to be incredibly hard. And I'll probably be an emotional wreck. But it feels like the right thing to do again. And that's what I was missing.
8 comments:
Yay! You look great! Even Mr. Bones was taken a back. Ha!
You look just fabulous, Siren! I'm glad this snapshot was what you needed to feel emotionally the progress you have made physically.
You go girl!
KNOCKOUT.
Seriously! You look fabulous!
I'm glad this picture was able to help you see how you really look! :)
Stick that photo EVERYWHERE! On your fridge, in your car, use it as your blog avatar, tattoo it on your hand.... let it remind you that you've been on your journey of health and happiness since 04 and you are still on your journey. This is not 'back to square one', it's a (frustrating and upsetting) detour. (((hugs))) you hottie you!
Welcome back! (I knew you never really left). Your boy is adorable -- baking is such a gift to share with them.
Excellent, glad to see that you're able to appreciate what all your hard work has produced. Keep it up! You look awesome.
You look fab! That was my first thought when I saw the picture (neglected to read the post first). After reading the post and looking again, GOOD FOR YOU!!
You're doing amazing, and I can't wait to see you at an IM race (perhaps one you're racing in...?) in the future!!
When I opened your blog I thought to myself, "Wow, Siren is looking hot." I scrolled down to read the blog posts in order and after reading the other one and then this one I am so happy for you. I'm so happy that you can see the change. It has taken me awhile to see the change in myself. I just went to Arizona to cheer on a fellow blogger at Ironman Arizona and saw pictures of myself from that trip and could see the difference. It is amazing the feeling I got, so I totally know where you are coming from. Use that as your spring board into your training and getting back on track. I'm going to email you my phone number. I have an old number for you, but let's start checking in from time to time to see how we are doing. We could both use the support. You've got this. Would you have ever even looked at this costume before? NO WAY and now look at you, Rockin' it. You are incredible and I know you will do this. Keep going girl.
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