Where Things Are At

Seems the universe is determined to derail any semblance of motivation, resolve or progress I'm trying to make.

Bear's been on abx again for his 4th ear infection since November.

Mom's in the hospital again with 4th mini stroke in a month. They found a blockage in her basal artery and a 75% blockage in her vertebral artery. In hospital since Wednesday. On coumadin IV, might get to go home by today (or tomorrow or next day).

Scheduled time to hit gym last Thursday, but getting only 3 hours of sleep from the situation with Mom made me spend entire day with migraine instead.

Scheduled time to hit gym Friday, but MIL was sick and would only take Bear long enough for me to get groceries.

Planned to hit gym today, but Wonderful Husband came down sick and won't be taking Bear to that Superbowl Party and I won't get the time to myself after all.

My shoulder is acting up, probably from all the big active heavy Bear lifting wrestley spinny stuff that's part of daily Bear therapy. Learned enough from last experience I'm pretty sure I've got bursitis from impingement again. Almost hoping they can just give me another cortisone shot to deal with it, don't have time or money for anything else, and the idea they'll just tell me to rest it is comical.

Not pregnant after 6 months of trying. My midwife is impressed I've managed to maintain a 50 lb weight loss even with gaining 10 back with the recent meds disaster. She suggested if I can lose maybe 15-20 more it will probably kick my body back into gear so I can have another baby.

Increased dose of the new thyroid meds has helped, but I'm still living with levels of exhaustion that I refuse to believe are typical for a normal person. Follow-up bloodwork soon will probably say my levels are within normal limits because that's how it always seems to go. Trying to figure out how to function when I'm so tired all I want to do is sleep and cry.

Mom's telling me not to come visit, but when I was down 3 weeks ago she asked me to help put her will together. Need to get it done asap - if she has a bigger stroke and loses any cognitive function we'd be up a creek. We want to make sure my (half) brother and SIL - who are shouldering 99.9% of the burden of The Insanity of Mom - get fair treatment in the will because on paper they're not technically related (especially now that Mom's divorced from my half-brother's dad) and if things went into probate they would get nothing. NOT cool. Plus, I'm her financial POA and have no idea where anything is and need to get stuff figured out just in case. I don't think I'm overreacting - Mom's even been telling me her burial wishes just to be safe. So I'm packing up later this week for another trip downstate to crazy town.

In spite of all this... I'm still determined to race this summer. Between Bear therapy and the new developments with my Mom it's not reasonable for me to continue with plans for my Oly. I simply can't devote the time. But I firmly believe I can get back enough fitness to do my favorite sprint in June. Some of my girls have also said they'd like to come along for the ride.

So. New paradigm. More stress. Less sanity. Still devoted to following a path of health and fitness. The road's just a little rockier now.