I knew the initial success was too good to be true, and it was. In spite of dramatic decreases in calories and increases in activity, I've been stalled out for a couple of weeks. And now that Invasion Flo is marching in, things have crept up by a couple pounds of bloating, which we already know the software is incapable of dealing with in a logical manner.
I know my body is stupid and stubborn and not normal. I know that I have a health condition the very definition of which is concerned with not burning energy properly. And I know that I just managed to lose in the first two months of 2007 what it took me all year to lose in 2006. But what my head knows can't put a dent in what I'm feeling right now, which is angry and frustrated to tears.
I will give it credit and say that it did not send me off the calorie cliff right away; if it had, I might already be in a nice padded cell. But every day I'm stuck, it chips away. In the last 3 weeks or so, the Calorie Nazi has reduced my daily calorie budget from the 2100-2300 range (the point at which, I should add, I lost those 9 pounds in the first few weeks) down to, today, the 1400-1500 range.
After 3 weeks of this slow torture, my weight finally, finally budged by about half a pound. But because I'm several now weeks behind on the plan, it still reduced my budget some more.
I get that skinny girls only eat about 1200 a day. I GET IT. I should - my tiny friends remind me of it on a regular basis. But I'm coming from a place of insulin resistance and hypoglycemia and hypothyroidism and morbid obesity due to hypothyroidism. I'm coming from a place where eating 2400 a day still got me to lose weight fairly steadily for the last 3 years. And damn it, I still weight ninety freaking pounds more than my tiny friends who only eat 1200 a day, aside from the fact that I'm more far more active and almost certainly have more muscle mass. It's logical that I should be eating more to survive in my current state.
I've been mentally prepared to cut the calories, and have been dutifully doing so. And I thought the 2000-ish budget that worked for a couple of weeks was reasonable - my eating habits have improved to the point that it wasn't unusual to have extra left over at the end of the day. But nothing could prepare me for cutting 800 a day (really 1300 a day, to make the 500-less-a-day goal) in just a couple of weeks.
I even adjusted the settings to push my goal date out by 6 months, hoping that would ease things up. It didn't.
If things don't start looking up soon I'm not sure how long I can stick with it. I'm going through wholesome, filling, low cal, blah blah blah foods than I can shake a stick at. If I never see another baby carrot again it will be too soon.
I'm finding myself desperately hungry during the day - I'm drinking so much extra water to feel full we've been forced to order an extra 5 gallon bottle with our delivery. I definitely feel like I'm not getting enough food to fuel my workouts, because the extra calories burned in training just barely make up enough to allow me to eat a moderate dinner. If I eat a small enough breakfast and lunch to have a bigger dinner, I'm so hungry during the day I can get light-headed, nauseous and headachy, and then I overeat at dinner because I'm too damn hungry. I'm either going into my training sessions hungry or coming out of it hungry. Neither is acceptable, for all the reasons you already know.
The last couple of weeks it's been fairly normal to find me after dinner frantically cleaning the house (94 calories/20 min), trudging up and down the stairs (264 calories/20 min), demanding to have sex (200 calories/20 min) or hopping onto the elliptical (340 calories/20 min) just so the numbers for the day balance out. I'm finding the extra activities I'm doing at night to try to keep the calories in balance are making me tired and and my muscles sore to the point that my regular workouts the next morning are being impacted.
I know this is just part of dealing with my health problem. And this is precisely the point at which I would normally give up any other diet/calorie counting program, because nothing out there really takes a metabolic disorder into account.
But for some reason I'm still completely addicted to the Calorie Nazi, and no matter how insane it's making me I can't seem to bring myself to even consider quitting. And it's not just the fear that it might be right, and that I really might need to cut back this far. I'm not even skipping days like I was before! This weight loss tool has hooked itself firmly into my detail-oriented, analytical, OCD, hard-number-loving, problem-solving nature. Its methods appeal to me and I want to stick with it.
But holy crap, does it have to be this hard?
4 comments:
It's always been that way for me too. Light headed, dizzy when I stand up, cranky all the time and forcing myself to go to sleep when I get hungry at night to stop myself from eating anything else. It's a constant struggle for me and most that I've talked to that have to/need to cut weight.
If it were easy being thin, everyone would be thin. As we see from the obesity epidemic in this country, it's far easier to slide the other way, though. And I'm just as guilty of indulging on things I shouldn't be eating as the next person.
Hang in there!
The calorie nazi knows all, there is no escape now.
I hope that where you're at now is just your body adjusting and soon your metabolism will catch up and you'll be able to increase the calorie count again. I do understand that your slow metabolism is due to a medical condition, but I know other people that have seen an increase in metabolism when they stuck with it. You're doing SO well, don't give up yet, you're going to be successful. I know it's not fair, and I'm not exactly the picture of success myself so it's hollow advice. But I hope you know we're all pulling for you!
Hey. Everyone's different. I know plenty of slim and slender girls who eat massive calorie amounts per day because their metabolisms and activity levels are through the roof. And I know several heavier folks who don't eat nearly the number of cals per day that folks would assume. You're doing the right thing by tweaking the system. Keep changing up. Don't let your body fall into a rut. I actually gained a bunch of weight because I didn't eat enough calories and didn't get enough activity, thus my metabolism disappeared. Once I started eating healthy and upped my activity, I increased daily calories and saw the scale weight drop. You're just in a lull. It will go away.
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