General Life Stuff

Sorry I haven't been able to visit everyone's blogs much lately - lots of stuff happening that's conspired to suck up my free time.

Grandma's still in the hospital. The immediate threat to her life is gone, but the long-term issue related to her ability to eat normal food will never be truly resolved. We're trying to figure out how to get her settled back at home when it's already screamingly obvious she has no intention of following the doctor's orders, which means she will sooner or later end up right back where she was - on the brink of death from aspiration pneumonia. All that's left to wonder about is how many times we're going to go around in this particular circle before she ultimately kills herself with stubbornness.

Just to keep things interesting, I just found out that my dad (adopted, not bio) has a heart condition. Has for a while. In fact, when Mom was visiting me for Thanksgiving, he ended up in the hospital with an attack. The family decided not to call us so Mom wouldn't drive 250 miles back in a panic. Mom ended up finding out that her husband was in the hospital when she went to work Monday morning as asked "where's Fred?" I just found out - 4 months later. It's probably going to kill him sooner rather than later, and it simply didn't occur to anyone that perhaps I should be informed, if only so I could be there for mom. I'm not saying I'll be sad if the sick sadistic abusive bastard keels over, I'm just saying it's still going to impact me when it happens and I should have been told.

My mom's divorce was finalized last week. She didn't even tell me - I found out several days after the fact because I was calling to check on Grandma. She'd inadvertently told me the wrong date, and the day it happened she didn't feel like talking to anyone so did not bother to call me. Thankfully my SIL was there to take her to court, and then out for a nice lunch a relaxed shopping after it was over. Whatever my other issues with my SIL are, she has never been anything but wonderful to my mom and I'll always be grateful for that.

There are no words for how proud I am of my mom. She told me now that it's over she feels more focused and motivated than she ever has in her entire life. Of course she's still sad that her marriage is over, and no one but another battered woman can probably understand why that is. It's just so wonderful to see her - at 56 - finally becoming the person I always knew she could be.

After decades of feeling responsible for her pain, and feeling guilty that if she hadn't had us to take care of she'd have left 20 years ago, it's like this enormous weight has been lifted. I know it was never my fault, but really, when does that ever keep us from feeling the burden of responsibility when you've been there in the midst of it?

It's like I suddenly have permission to get on with my life, and to not feel guilty about the happiness I've created for myself. I've always known how much I have to be grateful for, but I never realized now how much I was hiding that from my mom. I felt like I was rubbing my wonderful life in her face. Now I don't have to worry about that any more, because now I get to help her build a wonderful life of her own.