Feel the Rain on Your Skin

Today was one of those days where we tried to do a normal family thing with Bear, and it was harder than it should have been and we muddled through and everything was fine. But then we got home and I have an emotional meltdown because of the hardness, and how I hate having to choose between isolating my Bear from all the things he should be doing at his age and the immense struggle it is to actually do those things.

So we got home and it was raining and I was so physically and emotionally tired from the simple act of trying to sit through a movie with my Bear that I wanted to throw my bike out the window and cry. Because if I'm exhausted by lunch and a movie with a 2 year old, where on earth will I find the stamina to race again?

My bike handling skills are pathetic, so even if I'd been thrilled about a bike ride in the midst of my pity party, it just isn't safe for me to ride in the rain.

And I didn't want to wake the Bear up from his nap with the treadmill. So I did something I still can't believe I did.

I got my ass off the couch. And I got out my Otterbox. And I went for a run in the 49 degree rain.

I stepped off the front porch and I started running. I didn't stop until I made it an entire mile. The last 50 yards were rough. But by then I was so close nothing could stop me. Not even the neurotic voices in my head. Especially not them.

I clocked my best mile ever by two whole seconds - 12:26.

I played my girl power playlist at a deafening volume and it was what I needed when I needed it. I choked back tears and I pretended I wasn't getting a stitch in my side and I just kept running.

I ran until I couldn't feel the rain or the cold. I ran until I didn't need to cry any more. And after a little walk break, I ran some more just to prove I could. Because you never know what you're going to get on race day. And a triathlete trains in any weather. And damnit, I have going to start behaving like a triathlete again.

Today it was harder than it had to be. But for me, today, I think that's what it had to be.

Any Dream Will Do

Been having those dreams.

You know, the ones where you have a race, BUT...

- you forgot your bike
- you forgot your transition bag
- you can't find your bike
- it started without you
- you can't find transition
- you can't swim
- you can't find the finish
- you forgot your shoes
- *insert current race fear here*

In the latest one, my swimsuit was on backwards and I was trying to take it off and fix it underwater before the start. Literally naked and defenseless in the face of the swim.

Don't think I need a fancy coated Canaanite to tell me that one means I'm worried about my swim, given current state of my shoulder and lack of gym pool.

Rusty

Planned a 7 mile bike ride for yesterday, but there were 30 mph winds. There are two schools of thought on this.

1) I need to train in every weather so I am prepared to race in every weather.
2) I haven't been on Donna in almost a year, how about I cut myself some slack the first time out.

I postponed to ride in today's milder forecasted winds.

Got Donna out of storage off the trainer.

Her tires were comically flat. I dealt with that, pinching my finger in the process.

Her chain looked sad, so I lubed her - and my hands - up.

Her computer battery was dead. I (miraculously!) found a spare, and promptly realized I couldn't remember how to reset from scratch. I randomly pushed buttons until stuff I recognized came on the screen (I still need to find manual and figure out how to set my tire size so it tracks properly.)

I walked her out to the street, took a deep breath, hoped I would manage to clip in before I fell over, started to mount and... realized I was still in my sandals.

About a mile into the ride I caught a brief respite from the unrelenting, always-a-headwind-no matter-which-direction, 11-mph-my-ass-wind and decided to try out my legs in the big ring.

At which point I thought I'd either broken something or forgotten how to shift. But a quick peek told me that I was already in the big ring.

1st thought) I am such a moron.
2nd thought) Go me and all those carrying Bear up the stairs leg muscles!

Bright side... my raging case of Post Pregnancy Shoes Don't Fit turned out to be a good thing for my stupidly expensive special order wide width bike shoes that took me two years to find. Before now they were a size too big because that was as small as they came in wide. Now they fit perfectly, and I feel like my pedaling is much more efficient now that my feet aren't slipping around in the shoes.

I still don't know if my shoulder - and current lack of definitive swimming pool option - will allow me to race in 7 weeks. I may have to go with volunteering in June and racing in August. I'm taking it one workout at a time.

Finding Things to Laugh About

Decided to use an hour of my precious 3 hour Thursday morning daycare to sneak in a swim before scooting back to work.

Arrived at gym to learn it's closed indefinitely for major repairs. Best case, will reopen mid May. Which probably means mid June.

Which certainly throws a kink in my June 13th triathlon. That's in less than 8 weeks. That I'm completely unprepared for, in terms of the swim.

Only consolation is I won't get billed by the gym for the time the pool's closed, since I'm a swim-only member.

Found out the rec center for that town is offering some sort of deal to folks who need to swim. Not ideal, but I'll take it. Cause I don't have a choice.

Not that my shoulder is remotely on board with the swim thing. But I'm trying to proceed like I'm actually racing in 7 weeks.

So. At least there are still things like this I can laugh about.

Signs

Birds are singing, flowers are blooming... and I've got sore bike butt. It MUST be spring!

Square 2

Went for a quick wog around the block with Bear, then pulled bike off the ceiling and did a quick loop around the neighborhood just to remind myself how.

Wog - .7 mile
Bike - 1 mile

Um. Yeah. My legs feel as shaky as if I'd just pulled a 5k/20k brick.

Not completely back to square 1, but about as close as I can be without erasing the last 5 years of my life.

Certainly have my work cut out for me, 'cause that June sprint is looking awfully scary right about now.

Next step... 5 mile bike with one of my girls this weekend.