It's SO TOTALLY not supposed to be like this. Sleepless nights and dirty diapers - sure. I signed up for that. I'm even ok with already knowing that adorable little mouth will need orthodontia when he gets bigger. But I'm not ok with knowing that later tonight, I'm going to run out of milk and have to break into the free samples of formula stashed in the pantry. Because I'm not ok with failing at my most basic function as a mammal.
It's seriously demoralizing to recognize that you're a Darwinian dead end, and that had he been born in an era without modern medicine your offspring would not have survived a week.
But I look at this little face.... and can only conclude that all the pain from the pumping and the tears and the desperation and extra work is still totally worth it. He's totally worth it.
But does it have to hurt this much? This soon?
9 comments:
I'm sorry...I missed ABsolutely everything that you said because I was so DISTRACTED by staring at his beautiful face.
He's SO DAMNED ADORABLE!!
Sorry...so, something about milk?
He looks JUST like you! And yeah he is totally worth it. Does it get any less painful? Yes and no. So what if you can't nurse him, that just means WH can get up in the night and feed him too. You'll get more sleep that way. It will all work out, that's the sweet thing about babies, they're highly adaptable.
"Because I'm not ok with failing at my most basic function as a mammal.
It's seriously demoralizing to recognize that you're a Darwinian dead end, and that had he been born in an era without modern medicine your offspring would not have survived a week."
I'm sad that you've somehow, somewhere internalised this thought and it's making you feel so bad (HUG)
In another era your bub would have been wet-nursed or given cows milk or to another lactating woman. The goal has always been for the baby to get food. It doesn't have to be yours. I really hope things get better really fast becuase it's what you want to do - BUT
not breastfeeding does not make you a bad mother or a failure as a mother. It's all about giving the baby what he needs - and if that's some formula from the pantry so mummy doesn't go insane, then that's fine too.
Please look after yourself mate (((HUGS)))
Ditto. You are so completely not a failure in any way. You're giving it a valiant effort and he'll be fine. Whether it's your milk or formula, he'll thrive and grow in a loving environment and that's what's important. I know the hormoves just add to the fun, but try to keep your chin up. Take care.
Girl...you're allowed to feel scared and sad now. You've had a fantastic, but HYOOGE, change in your life. You'd be nuts if you weren't scared and sad. However, you are not allowed to beat yourself up over something as trivial as breastfeeding. Sure, it's natural and what you wanted to do, but as so many others professed, it ain't what motherhood is all about. This did happen in olden times, from Ancient Greece to rural America, and babies and mothers survived and adapted in any way possible. You should be applauding the advent of science and nutrition, not bashing yourself. Look at that gorgeous bundle of baby goodness and know that mother's love and care is what's all about, not necessarily mother's milk. Big hug, pat on the back and know you can e-mail me anytime if you just wanna rant!
I probably can't add much to what's already been said.
Nursing those first weeks were the hardest weeks of my life - if you can make it work, it (nursing) does get easier. If not, don't beat yourself up over it - formula will allow your baby to flourish! Plus, hubby can help with middle of the night feedings - sleep is good, no?
Hang in there.
WHOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA girl, I am sending you an email RIGHT THIS SECOND.
Hugs hugs hugs!
Siren, I agree with all the comments here and just wanted to add some co-mommy support. I guilted and beat myself up over nursing , struggled through the pain and the problems and now I ask myself why why why? (And my child has allergies as a result.) Formula is a very good thing, and it is constantly improving. One bright side to formula beyond the obvious ability to sleep while someone else feeds handsome is that you can enjoy more than a tiny little bit of wine! That's always good.
Have you got the book The Girlfriends Guide to the First Year? (if not, email me your address and I'll send it) Read it! It helped me realize that all the crap I was going through was completely normal and it made me laugh at times I really needed it.
Siren, He is cute!! Awww I could just eat him up! Hope you are feeling better. Take Care!
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