Blindsided

My lucky day was just that - one stinkin' day. For all of 24 hours I got to revel in the idea that our financial hardships were coming to an end because my business was taking off. We barely squeaked by last year, and it's been a matter of working and patience until I started making more. I thought that day had arrived.

Then we got our tax statement. They've been messed up because this was new construction and we've barely been in it two years. We even paid a bunch of extra last year knowing there would be a gap, but, big shocker, taxes were more than anticipated (we were 2 grand short).

Bottom line: our mortgage payment is going up by $700 a month, and boy oh boy do we not have it. The reality of my nascent writing career is that I can't always meet my own expenses (car payment, student loans) at this point, so we're potentially looking at a monthly shortage of $2000+.

The entire year now has to be re-evaluated. I can forget adopting a new dog. I can certainly forget adopting a baby. Vacations are out the window. Opening another retirement account is on hold. I'm going to have to make do with the bike shoes that pinch my toes and make my feet go numb after 5 miles. Will definitely have to go one more winter without a bike trainer. And there's no way I'm going to get to do five or six races like I wanted. He's not making me drop them all, but at this point I'm only going to register for one, and if around August we can swing it then I'll do one more.

I'm trying hard to put a happy face on this because otherwise it's too overwhelming. So, here's my list of reasons why this won't be so bad.

1) It will be easier to lose weight, because our normal routine of ordering out three times a week because I was too tired/lazy to cook is out the window.

2) It will be easier to lose weight because I won't be doing as many races. I learned last year that my nutritional needs for weight loss and my nutritional needs during active race training are in conflict; training + dieting = bonking (at least for me). I don't lose at all when I'm truly training - even when that means 10-15 hours a week of hard-core exercise.

3) It will be easier to lose weight because I won't be able to treat myself to umpteen-gajillion calorie gourmet coffee drinks drowning in chocolate and whipped cream.

4) It will be easier to focus on my goal of truly learning to run. The one race I'm booking is early in the season. This means I'll have an entire summer, when I'd usually be cranking up the biking and swimming (to use the good weather) to the detriment of running, to really get outside and conquer this demon. I'm making measureable progress on the dreadmill, but I know it's a crutch and I want to eliminate it.

5) I will be forced to finish the projects I've got instead of starting new ones. This is a terrible habit I inherited from my mother. I see myself doing it and know it's bad and have been trying to stop. I get an idea, buy everything I need to do it, start it, and then it sits, sometimes for years. (For example, refinishing my antique dressers went for 9 years before I finally gave up and had it done professionally). I hate that she does it, and I hate that I do it. Now that I can't afford to go out and buy craft stuff, I'll be forced to finish the afghans and such that I already have stuff for. That also goes for projects around the house; we keep doing everything BUT mudding the drywall because we hate it. By the end of the year we'll have all these half-done things done, and I'll have freed up a ridiculous amount of closet space.

6)My career really truly will take off because I'll be forced to work evenings and weekends trying to make ends meet. I have been lazy, I admit it. If I didn't have a client project then I didn't really work much. But I've got a ton of article ideas that I could be trying to sell, and a novel to write, and on and on. I'm a working writer now, but by the end of this year I will be able to say I'm a successful writer.

7) After working those kind of hours, I'll be crawling into bed beside a sexy stranger, 'cause I sure as hell won't recognize my husband.

8) I get a whole year devoid of new video games and being begged for permission to buy the latest console.

9) I'll finally finish reading my piles of books because I won't be able to keep buying new ones on a whim. The bookstore is like a crackhouse for me. I buy impulsively and literally have a couple of stacks (probably 20-30 books) around so I always have a variety to choose from. I'm always reading 2-3 books at a time, and often read that many each week, so this isn't quite as nuts as it might sound. Now I'll be forced to read the ones that seemed like a good idea at the time (e.g. The History of Queen Elizabeth) but I never seem to be in the mood for when I've got the latest Marian Keyes or a classic Vonnegut available instead.

10) I let my Advertising Age subscription lapse because it costs a fortune. But, I have 9 months worth of unread issues piled up in my office. I'll finally get caught up on them.

11) We'll learn how to go back to living on a firm budget, something we've been lazy about, and something we needed to do to prepare ourselves for our goal of becoming parents.

We'll be ok if we can make it to August 2007 (not a typo - 2007), when several major debts (like the car) will be paid off and our monthly obligations will drop dramatically.

Until then, maybe I should start practicing: "Do you want fries with that..."