Woke myself up before sunrise this morning. Itching. Because apparently there was an f#%@ing mosquito in the bedroom last night.
I'm the one. The 1 in 10, that is, of people born with the highly unfortunate biochemical signature mosquitoes find particularly attractive. Even a single mosquito can inflict serious damage, coming back again and again on a gluttonous suicide mission. Because the torture doesn't end until I squish 'em.
People love me at parties because they can forget to light the citronella candles or to put out bug spray and nobody gets bitten because the bloodthirsty little buggers are all swarming in a cloud around ME. I left one memorable 4th of July party with over 75 bites. On my left thigh. And I'd been wearing long pants, a jacket and half a bottle of Deep Woods Off. We tried to figure out how many bites I really got, but stopped counting at 150. My legs swelled up by several inches.
I've been accused of exaggerating, of being whiny, of flat out making it up. (Why wouldn't they think I'm making it up? They're not getting bitten because they're in my protective aura.) Only those fellow humans who share my affliction truly get it.
Here's the kicker: as my general level of allergicness to the world around me has spiraled out of control, in recent years I also developed an allergic reaction to mosquito bites.
So I don't get a teeny little red dot that itches a little. I get a huge hard knot, sometimes as big around as a quarter and up to a half inch high, that itches like mad for upwards of a week.
So. When I say I woke up this morning and there had been a mosquito in the bedroom... I mean the little fucker worked his way up one leg and down the other, planting a nice bite on each ass cheek for good measure. I think I counted 9 bites total, but I'm really really itchy behind the right knee so I won't be surprised if a few more knots surface as the morning progresses.
Pass the Calamine, please.
1 comment:
No mocking here - one time when I was really young and poor, I rented a house that had fleas. They didn't touch my older son, or baby son (who rolled around on the floor) but they loooooved me.
Try ice on the bites when they itch. Might use a lot of ice, but it numbs the area temporarily and if you can keep it up, you might be able to get the bumps to go away for lack of scratching.
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