Respect and Fear

I admit it. I've been cavalier about preparing for my sprints this year. And now I'm afraid of what that's going to mean when I line up at the start in 2 weeks.

I had it easy last year. Brand new freelance business, not a lot of work, lots and lots of free time to train. It was routine for me to indulge in a 2-3 hour training session in the middle of the day if I didn't have a project going. Because of that freedom, I went into my races feeling as prepared as I could be.

But as my business continues to grow, I'm finding it tougher to juggle the demands of training and housework and actual work. Tougher still to handle the extra responsibilities of owning a business - Chamber chairmanships, self-promotion, accounting, updating my website... there are times I work all day and never make a dime because I don't get paid to work for my own business.

Still haven't perfected this juggling act some of you make look so easy, and I can also admit I still waste more time than I should. At the moment if any one thing is getting enough attention then by default the others are suffering. I realize everybody else does it every single day, and I'm not asking for sympathy. I realize I need to suck it up and work it out, and that I had it incredibly easy last year.

Because little things like my car payment aren't going away any time soon, and my husband only puts up me ordering take-out for so many nights in a row (he does dishes and laundry and vaccuums, so it's not like he's being unreasonable), the thing that's suffered the most is my training. Somehow, gradually, I've cut down from 6-8 workouts a week to 4-5.

And I let that happen because I haven't respected the distance. I know I haven't. Even as I have the thoughts - I know I can do this, I did it last year - I catch it and remind myself that I did double the training last year and that I may very well blow it this time around.

I'm starting to fear it. And I don't want to be afraid of it; triathlon is my life's blood, my passion, the place I find joy. How can I have any fun if I'm afraid of it?

I've already made peace with the absolute certainty that I will not make my holy grail goal time of under 2 hours. But thanks to the wisdom of my fellow bloggers I did set tiered goals, and the way I'm performing right now there's a good chance I can still make my 2:15 goal. And if my body really needs to teach me a lesson about preparation and I don't even match last year's time, I can still fall back on my Back of the Packer philosophy: the finish line looks great no matter when you get there.

I can say I'm proud of myself. Not for undertraining or my temporary lapse of judgement or my unbelievable ability to waste time online... of those things I am properly ashamed. But when it got tough, things may have slipped a bit but I didn't give anything up. I've seen it happen, seen friends tri until time got tight, then it was the first thing to go. I could have dropped it but I didn't. My resolve only grew stronger to make it all fit, to be better and more efficient. And I'm proud of that, because the me I was a few years ago probably would have quit.

I've learned some things this season. About time management. About efficient training. About respecting the distance even if it's a familiar course. Now it's time to take those lessons and put them into practice.