Another Mind Fuck Courtesy of Friendly Bike Professionals

Wednesday the shoulder was feeling closer to normal than it has in a long time, so I decided to spend some time on the trainer. Had yet another migraine most of the day, so it was getting late and I was thinking about bagging it since I still had to make dinner.

Plus there was crucial American Idol watching to do.

I ended up making the quickest, easiest thing I could for dinner - Biscuits 'n Gravy. (Mmmmm.... brings back memories of Grandma hollering out the back door at Grandpa to get his ass down off the combine to come eat breakfast)

Like a good girl, I put all the ingredients into the calorie software and let it work its magic. Then I had a heart attack when I saw the calorie count - not unlike the one I'll have, I'm sure, if I continue to consider Biscuits 'n Gravy an option for dinner.

But the sausage was defrosted and Husband had already caught wind of it and was grinning this goofy grins he reserves for when I'm making Biscuits 'n Gravy (it's his favorite, right after Italian Beef sandwiches). Besides, I didn't want to wait 2 hours for the pork loin to roast and the only other option was frozen pizza.

So I ate it and then I HAD to work out because I was 300 calories over my allowance.

[To quote Bill Cosby, I told you that story so I could tell you this one...]

Last time I rode the trainer, the cleat came off my left shoe when I tried to dismount. It was hanging by a single screw (this is an important detail because it proves it was this way to begin with and we did not do the stupid thing).

The day I got my cycling shoes - and the obligatory set of Speedplays because I had SPDs before - I also got a bike fitting. So of course, Cool Tri Shop Guy put the new pedals and cleats onto my new shoes in order to properly do the fitting.

I struggled and struggled that day and simply could not clip in my left foot. He took my shoe repeatedly and loosened the screws until, finally, with a ridiculous amount of effort, I could clip that foot in.

But then I couldn't clip it out. I had to take the shoe off and two different guys tried to unclip the damn thing.

I practiced like crazy just up and down my block trying to get comfortable with that damn left clip, but it never really felt right and caused more than one tense, almost-keeling-over-into-traffic moment from repeatedly getting stuck.

First time I rode the trainer it went in pretty easily and I figured the spring had maybe been too tight originally and now it was wearing in. But then I tried to get off and, like I said - the cleat was not longer what you would call "attached."

So Wonderful Husband went to Home Depot with the one screw we did find on the floor to get matching ones. And some Loctite.

Now we can actually return to Wednesday...

It's 8:15 pm and I want to get in 30 minutes on the trainer. I cannot clip in.

I'm frustrated beyond belief. Husband brought up a screwdriver and loosened the screws because I insisted that's what Cool Tri Shop Guy did to make it clip in, and he owns a tri shop so of course he knows, right?

We were at this for 20 minutes. I start crying.

I JUST HAD TO WORK OUT. Because I'd eaten too many calories and I had to face the Calorie Nazi Software and it was going to tell me that my Projected Weight is 847 pounds if I don't work off those 300 extra calories and why the hell won't my left fucking shoe clip in???

To help you along with the comical tableau we had going - I'm short and my bike is small. My front tire is on a riser block, which is on top of a dictionary, and there is a step stool nearby I need to climb onto the whole mess. (If I pedal really hard the block slips off the dictionary.) I'm still sitting on the bike this whole time, bent over the aerobars half-sobbing, because it's dangerously difficult for me to get on and off, while husband is sitting on the stool with my leg bent behind me like he's shoeing a horse.

He kept insisting the screws do not impact the mechanism. I kept insisting that's how Cool Tri Shop Guy got them to work.

I finally got off the bike and sat on the bed, defeated. Husband takes both shoes and turns them over. I said, half to myself, "ya know, I always thought it was kinda weird that both cleats face the same way."

He looks at me. Looks at the cleats. Looks at the crank.

Removes the offending cleat. FLIPS IT AROUND TO THE RIGHT WAY. And puts it back on.

And now it clips in just fine.

[In case you're trying to visualize the original set-up... basically, Tri Shop Guy loosened the screws to the point that the entire cleat lifted partially from the shoe, which is why it could, with enough effort, clip in, because it was angled enough away from the crank. This ridiculous amount of looseness is why the screws eventually fell out. What pisses me off is that he should know damn well that the screws - as Husband said - have nothing to do with how hard it is to clip in and WTF was he doing?!]