If you think I'm a bitch for this rant, just please understand I'm incredibly touchy about my weight, and I get very upset when people are flip about it. I feel like the world is always judging me because of my weight (and let's face it, they probably are), and it makes me even crazier when the one doing the judging is bigger than I am.
I've been struggling with my weight since my late teens, when the first thyroid symptoms showed themselves. I fought it constantly for over a decade before I got the help I needed, and since then it's been an uphill battle to regain some semblance of the health I lost so long ago. All in all, we're talking roughly 16 years - more than half my life - that I have been obsessively hating myself and my weight every minute of every day. I suspect only someone who has struggled with this kind of weight problem can understand the depths of the despair.
If I gain 2 pounds from PMS I freak out. Losing 5 pounds in 6 months is cause for celebration. This has been the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. You can imagine my panic at the prospect of a pregnancy and what it would do to my weight.
And for the record, I'm not saying I'm not willing to gain whatever weight my doctor deems necessary for the health of the baby. I'm talking about the excessive weight gains (45-60+) I've witnessed in friend's pregnancies. Weight gains they act like are complete surprises, and that they had nothing to do with.
My trainer is fond of saying, "now that you've lost those pounds, you're never going to find them again." And I never intend to.
Anyone who's known me for any length of time knows this about me - it's not like I can hide the constant health problems, triathlon and a 50+ pound weight loss from my friends and colleagues.
So it's been extremely upsetting to me that, almost to a person, the women in my circle of acquaintances who chat with me about my pregnancy bring up my weight loss and then say, in the most casual way possible, some version of "oh don't worry about it, just let it go, no matter what you're gonna gain it all back and then some! I know I did!"
Another favorite: "Once the baby comes you won't have time for all that stuff, so you should just give it up now."
This has left me both seething with anger and on the verge of tears - sometimes simultaneously.
Part of my feels like these comments are a complete negation of all my hard work and dedication. Like they never believed I was serious about it and will simply let myself go now that I've got a baby. And that makes me angry, because how dare they assume such an insulting thing about me?
Part of me feels helpless, like 'what if they're right?' Because I've been defenseless in the face of my weight before, so it doesn't sound that far-fetched. And that makes me want to cry, because oh my god, WHAT IF THEY ARE RIGHT?
The logical voice in my head reassures me that it's their problem, not mine, and they're just trying to make themselves feel better about their own weight issues by convincing themselves it happens to everybody so it can't be their fault.
The logical voice in my head reassures me that sometimes people just say stupid things without realizing it. Gawd knows I have. And that they don't mean a thing by it and can't possibly understand how much it hurts me.
The logical voice in my head reminds me that they are not me, and they obviously do not have the strength of my resolve or else we'd be having a very different conversation. Like the wonderful, sanity-saving, reassuring conversations I've been blessed with from TriSaraTops and JBMommy.
The logical voice in my head reminds me what I believe in - that it's not selfish, because my baby deserves to have the healthiest mom possible. And if I give it up and let myself go, I'm setting a terrible example for my child.
But still. What if they're right?
11 comments:
Ignore them. Don't give up, because they are not right. You are right, your baby deserves the healthiest mom possible, and you are doing awesome. :)
THEY. ARE. NOT. RIGHT.
If you do "let yourself go" while pregant and then make no effort to be healthy when you're done, then of course, there will be extra pounds. You and I both know that's not going to happen to us. We are healthy, active people, and while this will be a huge stress on our systems (as it already is!), I just refuse to believe that because I become a Mom I have to succumb to "Mom Jeans" and use some cop-out excuse of pregnancy for the REST OF MY LIFE.
I just saw my triathlete friend Suzi today, who gave birth to Jennifer Grace two weeks ago tomorrow. She looks FANTASTIC. She says she still feels pretty out of shape, but she's excited to start swimming and walking regularly again, and eventually running and riding. That will of course take lots of time, though...but there are things we can do in the meantime, you know?
Believe me, girl...the years of eating issues are effing with my head, too. We just have to block it out as much as we can and remember who we are and that we're going to be fine when this is all done.
MORE than fine. We'll have little shorties, too. :)
what TriSaratops said
THEY.ARE.NOT. RIGHT.
They are also not YOU - and everyone is different. I only gained 6kg (until the last week when I gained 3kg AARRGGHH but that was all fluid).
BTW the most reassuring thing my Dr told me was that the body puts the baby first - if you can't keep much down, the nutrients will be directed to the bub.
They are not only wrong, they are rude and they are stupid. You are dedicated to health and fitness now - why would that change after the birth? - so it will be easier for you to 'bounce back' They are probably jealous.
They've made me cross now. Where do they lve so I can give them a talking-to? Grrrrrrrrrrrr!
Ignore em like the others say.
I have several friends who have thyroid problems. One of them has her levels high enough to cause problems, but nit high enough to be able to take the meds she needs. Good luck to you!
Ditto for all. They are not right. And that's bunk about not having time for exercise and eating well. You need to make time for those things for the sake of your sanity, your partner and of course, the baby. A healthy mommy means healthy family.
I was one of the excessive weight gains (packed on 60lbs) and while I'm not back to my fighting weight yet I'm working on it.
Eat healthfully and exercise when you feel up to it and everything will be just fine. Trust me.
Nope, they're wrong. Just ask Nancy Toby, or Dread Pirate or any of the women on here that started working out with little kids still biting their ankles. You'll do great! Now, for those people trying to leach out all your positive energy with their net negative selves, as my dear grannie used to say,#&CK 'em.
They are plain wrong. No question.
Obviously you've heard it before (see above), but they're wrong! There aren't many women that have achieved the active lifestyle that you have- pregnant, with children, without children- or however they live. So "they" don't know what it took to get you to that point and can't grasp the concept of juggling having a child with maintaining that activity level. I've had one pregnancy where I was fat to start, fat at delivery and then did nothing about it. Second time around I was fat to start, really fat at delivery and then I did something about it. This time I was not quite where I wanted to be before pregnancy, but I've been doing my best to keep things up throughout pregnancy and I know what can be done when the baby arrives. My goals are way more modest than some post-baby, but it's what my family life will accommodate. You'll figure it out. You can do it, and you will because it's become who you are. Sorry to comment a novel, but I *know* you're going to be fine!
Oh oh, I see Flo brought her cousin, Big Bitchy Bertha, for a visit. ;)
So...as everyone else has said...FOLKS ARE JUST PLAIN WRONG. But something they haven't told you...and which I wanna tell you, is this. LAUGH. When you're faced with ignorance...you should laugh. Just chuckle and say, "that's not the case here" and get in your swim/run/bike. Sure...you're allowed to get angry from time to time...but you know you're gonna hear this crap for months if not years. So let it out with a laugh. A big belly one that shows them you're not taking their advice/criticism to heart one little whit!
Just sending some positive mojo and agreeing with the other comments... there are unhealthy mommies and healthy mommies just like everything else, and you will chose your own healthy future and be a positive influence on your child. Also wondering if you've heard the old wives tale ~ the sicker the mommy the healthier the baby. Your baby is going to enter the world Ironman (or woman) ready!!!!
Thanks for your comments on my blog - you made my weekend! :)
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