(In Which I Try to Find Some Perspective)
I've been feeling guilty. And miserable. Completely convinced I'm a hideous, horrible person who doesn't deserve to have a baby.
But I'm starting to think this is what happens when an athlete gets pregnant. We mourn the loss of our independence, and of our fitness and our races and our PRs. We get pissed off when our doctors tell us we have to stop doing things and we get jealous when our friends keep doing them in front of us. We get crazy when faced with the fact that we'll never be able to put the same time and dedication into our training ever again.
And that's ok. Because we deserve to mourn this part of our life. And when the babies actually get here, we'll be properly happy about it. And we'll be able to handle it, having taken this time to mourn our personal sacrifice.
8 comments:
I never thought of bringing a new life to this world as a scrafice. But most triahtletes that I know are self centered people who think the world revolves around there workout schedule and upcoming race. So I guess it just goes to show ya. Thanks for confirmning my point.
First and foremost...ignore the asshole comment of the anonymous idiot. Not only is he/she a gigantic butt-munch, he/she is lacking in intelligence and spelling skills!
Secondly, I truly believe that you can rear a wonderfully well-rounded little person and still be a dedicated athlete. If anyone can do it, you can!!!
Hey girl...
enduroeejit at gmail.com
E-mail me anytime!
You have every right to mourn. This is changing the entire way you live your life. Not only from a triathlon perspective-- it's a holistic and complete change of every routine and thought process in your life. It's huge. Anonymous commenter must not get that.
Mallie, it was never stated that it could not be done. Once again my point is proven. To bad you can not put your message out there with out using profanity and name calling. You will make a great parent.
I'm sure I've mentioned that I HATED being pregnant -- I was totally devastated at not being able to have autonomous control over my body. It felt like a huge betrayal.
And then, on top of that, society-at-large (and even some trolls-in-particular) continuously sends you this message that you should be ELATED.
Which all rolls together in a great big "what's wrong with me?"
In a word: nothing.
It is GOOD to think about how your life is going to change, both in the negatives and the positives. It is NORMAL to feel angry as you mourn the loss of something that is important to you.
Is that self-centered? Well, yes, because all humans are self-centered beings. Even those who gratify their selfishness by giving to others -- we just call those folks "martyrs." :)
All of this will just make you appreciate training SO MUCH MORE when you're able to do it again at your previous levels.
I know this feeling all too well.
My friend (who, by the way, is NOT a triathlete) told me before I was pregnant that it is the most wonderful, amazing thing she's ever done, and even better than she could have imagined, but she went through "this period where you sort of mourn the loss of your independence."
I think that's really applicable here. For 29 years, my life has been about my family, my time, my career, my faith, and my choices. Whose isn't, you know? I think it's sort of human nature to enjoy your independence and spend your time volunteering, working, and loving who and what you want.
What I've learned so far is that no matter how ready you feel, when those choices are no longer your own, you really question whether you're "ready." Just remember you're still YOU. The YOU you'll be this winter will be even better.
My coach did Ironman Wisconsin in 13 hours 6 months after giving birth to her son. Granted, she's a MACHINE. But it's inspiring for me to see Moms like Trimama, IronJenny, etc. balance everything and still have time for athletics. We can do this, too.
Sorry I just wrote you a book. ;)
Isn't it interesting the way people who post anonymously only ever say nasty things?
As you know, I hated hated hated being pregnant, felt terrible most of the time, and guilty for feeling resentful that my life now revolved around throwing up!
I wasn't a triathlete then and I don't think I was particulalry self-centred either. Some people find pregnancy hard; we're entitled to all of our feelings and to working through them as best we can, before our lives REALLY change!
Maybe you might think about banning anonymous posters for the time being? If people without blogs want to contact you they can always email :)
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